On Tears and Fears

July 26th, 2008 by orangebutterfiles

They say it is good to cry once in a while.  They say it brings out all the negative vibes inside you and make you feel a lot better.  Well I did cry.  I did it for two consecutive days.  But I guess two days were still not enough.  I still feel the same.

Fear.  It caught me.  At the beginning of everything, I was telling myself that I could do things the way I ought to do them.  I was being confident.  I knew I could, I knew I would.  But then things started to be out of hand.  Everything started to be out of my control.  Every circumstance was a nightmare that I wish I could get out of.  The fragile self which I kept for months was set free by the fear I have collected from all these simultaneous obligations which I have to fulfill.  I know I am being weak.  I know I am being affected too much.  But what can I do if it greatly frustrates me?  It is too heavy that my strength is insufficient for me to endure.

I wish I had wings so that I could just fly away and move to some place where I can find serenity.  A place where I could just be myself without people constantly watching my actions.  I wish for a day when I could forget about all these and be happy, be contented.

I am terribly sorry, don’t get me wrong.  I know I made mistakes and I admit on doing them. Mom’s right. I am being pressured by my own dedications and commitment that I tend to burden myself and be pessimistic. But my tears will keep on falling, my fears will keep on growing, and maybe when all these would end, I could be normal again. Then I could embrace my old self tightly and sincerely. How I wish for that day…

The Great Pretender

March 28th, 2008 by orangebutterfiles

I got home tonight, feeling unusually happy. 

Our council’s meeting ended at about 8:15 pm, just enough for Sasa to get home without getting a spank (sorry sasa! :D).  It was not that stressful unlike our first one, which was up until 11:30 pm I think, leaving hot issues unresolved.  The difference tonight was that we targeted 8:00 pm as the latest time our we would end and this helped everyone to be conscious of each passing minute.  There were a series of heated arguments, misunderstandings, and clarifications that made some of us (Sasa and I included :p) feel that probably we might reach 10.  But then, we managed to get back on track and finally at 8:15, we sang the UP Naming Mahal (with me giving the lowest possible tune).

We headed to Flaming Wings at Katipunan, where we had our dinner and at the same time, the ECC meeting (Committee Heads’ meeting).  Since Abby, the Finance Committee head, was not there, I represented her, being her assistant.  Regarding the ECC meeting, it was quite short, since what was discussed were only the suggested projects for each committee.  The committee would still have to meet up for these assumed activities before the semester planning on April 12 and 13.

Argh. Why am I talking about work here?  Anyhow, now you all know how busy I am lately.  But then again, as what I have said at the beginning of this blog entry, I am unusually happy.  Partly because my semester is finally over (after that mind-boggling Econ 190.2 exam), and partly because tomorrow is Tagaytay day.  Finally, VACATION!  Hmmm… I think there are still other reasons for my enthusiasm, sadly I could not enumerate them all here.  People around me might know, just ask them. :)

LIKAS!  I envy them all.  Tonight they are in Antipolo, having the traditional sem-ender/induction of new members.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been inducted yet.  LOL. :p  Aww…  It was suppose to be the last day for me to have a get-together with all the graduating students of this school year (a salute to all of them!).  *Sigh*  In any case, I’ll get to see them all this April 26.  I will be one of the ushers as part of the new student council and what’s most important though is that Likasantinig will be singing in the graduation!  This will surely make all our graduating members cry.  Am I right guysh? :D  To all my kuyas and ates, I have told you what I have to say.  I love you all and I hope you all could come to visit our good-old green tambayan under that bulky and aggressive tree.

Wah!  I miss multiply!  It’s true!  Though a while ago I was lazy to start writing here again. Since all my final exams are in essay form, not to mention all the memorization I had to do this week; it somehow made me tired of uttering words inside my head.  However, I can’t help but to be happy. :D  Through this entry I know I would be able to pour out all the emotions inside me.  HAPPINESS!

So why "The Great Pretender?"  Well I might have said that my semester has finally ended today, but that does not mean that I have all the time this summer for leisure and recreation.  Now I know that Spiderman’s philosphy is true (or I guess this was his uncle’s), "With great power, comes great responsibility."  This I feel in this new endeavor I took.  Projects, finances, campaigns, regulations, all these should be constantly reiterated in my daily concerns.  I am on vacation mode, that’s for real.  Goodbye to papers, farewell to all exams and quizzes, and hello to stress-free days!  Sigh. Who am I kidding?  This summer, there will be no vacation for you, Ms. Hernando! …and yet again, I am really HAPPY.

Title, Anyone? :D

December 29th, 2007 by orangebutterfiles

*better version at this site: HALEE’S MULTIPLY

Woohoo! Another blog entry! Obviously I don’t write that much. I’d rather share my thoughts by telling someone personally than writing it all down. Well Mom knows that I’m not that good of a writer. She should know because she’s the one who’s editting my papers for school. But then now, I just thought of doing the unusual. Why not, right? I mean I should practice!

Here is where this blog would start: As of now, Mom and Dad are tucked in their bed, trying to enough energy for the AISC party/reunion later. (What’s AISC? It’s Dad’s group of special friends. They had this reunion every year, after Christmas. It’s cool because once you’re in their party, you feel their love and passion for ENGINEERING. Oh well, they’re engineers! What do you expect?) Anjo on the other hand, is currently in the living room. Sorry my brother, but I think you’re making yourself blind from all that gaming (Play Station II). You call yourself nationalistic when you’re hooked with a PURE JAPANESE-SPEAKING game called Naruto. You said so yourself, you can’t understand it, so why play it? Anyway, as for me, I am in my room, hoping that this blog would turn out good (especially for Mom, my official editor).

Last night, I painted my nails BLACK. Well actually Ate Malou painted them. My reason? Let’s just say I’m redirecting my life to a different perspective. LOL. I sounded a bit weird there. But it’s true. I wanna be a ROCKSTAR! :p I really admired my black nails. They look way too cool. Mom and Dad were in a party last night so they weren’t able to see my nails’ new look. I slept early for the first time this month last night. I really need some rest for the reason that I only slept 2 hours the previous night, thanks to the HILAHODS! After nine hours, I woke up, feeling really refreshed. I immediatele headed to Mom and Dad’s room after hearing an echoing, “ACHOOOOOO!!!” from inside. I found Mom inside the bathroom, while Dad still in bed with a pillow on top of his face. See, my Dad’s a sleepyhead. Tell him that and he’ll definitely deny it. And so I greeted them both a good morning. Mom greeted me back while blowing her nose. Dad? No answer. As I headed to the door after seeing Chelsea (our shih tzu) sniffing the floor which only means she wanted to pee, Dad moaned “Good morning, Hannee.” I guess that only means he’s awake but still lazy to get up. “Breakfast na tayo,” I said to both of them. They said they’d just follow me downstairs.

I don’t have to write about our breakfast talk here, should I? After all, it’s just the usual picture of a family in the morning, happily eating their freshly fried daing with kamatis. Yummmm!

At the end of our breakfast, Dad finally saw my nails. “Ayaw ko ng ganyang kuko,” he commented. I just giggled. Well, it was my choice. I did it so I should not regret having those black nails.

Dad then went straight to the living room (if you’v been in our house, you would know that it just takes 3 step from the dining table to the living room). He grabbed Mom’s new laptop and started using it. He bragged about the capality of the laptop to recognize his fingerprint. I told Mom, ’cause after all it was hers. Mom asked him about him in a very innocent way. She’s not really techy. She’s proud of her knowledge in Multiply and Friendster, but she’s clueless (well not really that clueless) about her new gadgets. Dad did it again. Mom tried doing it. Mom failed doing it. Dad laughed. Mom tried doing it again, and failed again. Dad laughed and hugged Mom. Mom tried doing it again. Dad still laughing. Mom started to be pissed. Dad smiled. Mom stood up, looking really disappointed. “Ayusin mo ‘yan Daddy! Akin ‘yan tapos yung sayo lang narerecognize niya!” she shouted, then went upstairs to take a bath. I looked at Dad, “Hala ka, ayusin mo daw ‘yan.” “Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ganun eh,” he answered. Then I heard the door upstairs slam, then openned. “Han, sama ka sakin?” Mom’s going to the salon. “Opo,” I shouted back then went upstairs.

It was funny that Dad knows more about Mom’s things. It only proves that he’s learning from his new field, Information Technology. But it what turned out in the end that it was as if Dad own Mom’s laptop, was not a good thing. Dad, if you’re reading this, FIX THE LAPTOP (said in a very sweet yet commanding manner).

By the way, Anjo slept at Noel’s house last night so he wasn’t here early morning. He got home earlier than me and Mom. That was I think an hour before noon. Mom and I got home around 12:30. Anjo was with his Play Station that time (which still is his status until now). Dad was upstairs, sleeping. I guess he got tired fixing Mom’s laptop. LOL. I went to him and told him that it was lunch time. “Masakit ulo ko eh,” he said, his face covered with a pillow. He didn’t want to eat, so it was Mom, Anjo and me who had lunch together. Anjo then saw my nails. “Ang pangit! Ang dumi tignan!” I looked at mom in a help-me-he’s-teasing-me way. “Ang dumi ng mukha mo,” mom blurted out to him. “Bigay yan sakin ng Diyos. Yung kay ate, hind naman binigay ni Lord ang itim na kuko.” I got hurt. Really, really hurt. So I went upstairs, got my own laptop, surfed the internet, checked how my fingers looked like using my laptop’s camera, then decided to get rid of them. If Dad and Anjo did not like them, I guess the guys in the party later wouldn’t like them either. Oh well, that’s life. Sometimes what you want for yourself is not pleasing to those people who are close to your heart. That was my realization, and that’s why I wrote it down here.

I would really appreciate your comments. Maybe you could encourage me to write more in this blog. I have to admit, this turned out to be fun!

A happy new year to all of you my dears! ^_^ Hugs and kisses!

Another Peculiar Idea

June 30th, 2006 by orangebutterfiles

You all know what I’m thinking about right now? Of course not! It’s not like you’re all psychics ya’ know! Anyway, I’m thinking about the pain I feel while all the blood from deep inside me seemingly bursting out of what can be correlated to a dark, slimy abyss. Now, do you know what I’m talking about? Tell me!

sniff sniff

March 18th, 2006 by orangebutterfiles

i was inside the jeepney on my way home from school. there’s not much space to move because we were so many inside. i sat beside a lady and a man. then the lady went out, so i was left sitting between two men. the man who replaced the lady beside me was looking at me. but i looked away from him. i was sure i was holding my bag as secured as i could. then the man got out too. when i got out of the jeepney, i felt for my phone so that i could contact my parents.it was not there! then is saw this hole on the side of my bag. i thought it was because of the stuff inside my bag, my notebook and my book. then as i was nearing home, and while i was looking at that hole, i realized one thing. one frightening thing. definitely, i concluded that i was robbed inside the jeepney! and it was that man who was looking at me who has my phone just right now! when i got home, i was crying very hard like there was no tomorrow. i called my parents and told them to block my sim. then i stopped crying gradually. this was definitely the most dreadful day of my entire life!!!

ooopsss…

October 17th, 2005 by orangebutterfiles

ok, i admit it! i suck in making promises. sorry, my dearest friendster blog! i totally forgot about you. i was engrossed in writing in my new blog that i clearly forgot my promise that i would still update this blog.

anyway, i really have nothing to say this time.

i promise i would write something sensible here next time…only i wish i could do that promise.

visit my blog people!

~*click this link*~

i love you all enough to tell you most of my life’s undertakings…lol!

Hey!

September 7th, 2005 by orangebutterfiles

Hey guys! I just finished doing my blog on blogger. I hope you could check it out!:)

But I would still update this blog, I promise!

link is:

http://haleemetamorphosis.blogspot.com/

see yah there!

Another Boring Day

September 5th, 2005 by orangebutterfiles

Yep. It’s another boring day for me. I guess this is what life’s going to be when you’ve got nothing to do but sit and eat, sleep and wake up, and nothing more than those things. I wish I were in school. In that way, I could busy myself into studying lessons. Yack! What a nerd! Wait, I don’t even want to study anymore! So that makes me hate school. Ok, now I’m confused. Whatever happened to me wanting to be at school. Ha! Never mind. What matters is, I AM SOOOOOO BOOOOORRRREEEEEEEDDDD!!! Somebody help me! OK?

First things first

August 30th, 2005 by orangebutterfiles

Welcome to my blog. The blog of an extraordinary girl, with an extraordinary mind and an extraordinary life. Feel free to read through the life of an unbelievable girl!